How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
