Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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