i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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