apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
