John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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