I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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