just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
