If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
