You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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