she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
