dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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