dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
