I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
