he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
