There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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