sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
