Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
