Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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