Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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