I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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