She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.