I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god