Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.