Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haym$ered

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turn off your phone and go to bed

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  (248): Haym$ered (734): turn off your phone and go to bed http://tfl.nu/2w37
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (491)
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  (650): View more from California

  apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

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  (650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23
  Replies (23) Good night (1371) Bad night (3729)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.

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  (253): don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects. http://tfl.nu/678l
  Replies (15) Good night (741) Bad night (2953)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.

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  (647): look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me. http://tfl.nu/z593
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (3173)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck

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  (410): there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck http://tfl.nu/47wj
  Replies (18) Good night (3385) Bad night (882)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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  (417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli
  Replies (14) Good night (5435) Bad night (837)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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  (281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (978)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.

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  (508): Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/xgp0
  Replies (5) Good night (2302) Bad night (711)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

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  (603): You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet" http://tfl.nu/9891
  Replies (2) Good night (3621) Bad night (646)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.

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  (612): She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again. http://tfl.nu/aifk
  Replies (13) Good night (1865) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.

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  (832): Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think. http://tfl.nu/5pb2
  Replies (9) Good night (1607) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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  (512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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  (801): I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck. http://tfl.nu/p42i
  Replies (1) Good night (867) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out

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  (510): A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out http://tfl.nu/sxee
  Replies (3) Good night (1575) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA

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  (330): lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA http://tfl.nu/ocjg
  Replies (5) Good night (271) Bad night (785)

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