i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.