I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.