Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(251): View more from Alabama

I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!

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(313): View more from Michigan

These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

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(301): View more from Maryland

He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;

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(319): View more from Iowa

I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.

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(914): View more from New York

I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god

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