So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
