Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I believe in your delicious
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
