I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm always down for nudity.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
