I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
should my penis look like a turkey
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
