Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
