After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
