i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
