3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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