What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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