fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
