she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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