I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
