There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
