I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
