What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
