question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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