Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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