It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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