So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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