I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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