The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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