When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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