How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
