How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
