Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
