I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Randomize
