there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
