Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
