Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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