You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
