dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
