We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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