Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
