I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
