You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
