Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love you. Go after that dick
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
