I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
