Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
