I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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