He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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