I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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