Jerry, you need to find god
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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