Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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