Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
