So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
