Too much gin, very little bucket
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
