I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
